The Road to Where?

The Road to Where?

Suggested by: Nicole Aleece 

(Based on a text message conversation we had one night)

I'd spent a lot of time when I was younger writing stories, scribbling words in a notebook I have since lost or thrown away, about these misfit characters going on these grand adventures in search of something. The specifics of what they were looking for are not important, yet the idea for the stories were always intriguing to me.

Why I was obsessed with writing these stories, I have no idea. I wasn't necessarily a kid that was interested in watching those kinds of movies (or really anything other than sports, to be honest), so I'm not sure where these impulses derived from. Those stories too, I feel, were something deeper than most thoughts that were running through a lot of kids' brains at the cusp of puberty, though I didn't realize it at the time. Most, if not all, of the stories were about trying to find happiness/ Again, the specific "thing" the character was searching for doesn't matter, but the significance of that "thing" to them and finding a happiness that they were missing became the main premise, and I decided that I wanted to dive in to it. The structure was basically the same for each story, too: a character sits there, sad and lonely, unsure of how they ended up in the position they were in and them deciding that, right then and there, they were going to change their life. They pack their things and hit the road, running into others on their own path and having conversations with the, about what they've seen on the road before heading on their way, continuing their own journey to find their happiness as well.

That was about as far as I got with a lot of these stories, either because I got distracted by something or class was over and I had to head off to the next one, or I just got lost and couldn't find the next path for the character to head down. It's sad to think about, the amount of unfinished stories I left or destroyed back then and the many journeys left unfinished.

I want to clarify, I wasn't some unhappy child looking for my own happiness in the world. I had (and still have) a loving family and friend group to be there for me no matter what, which is really all I need in my life. I wasn't ever someone who needed "things" to get me what I wanted in life; for there to be something there to make me laugh and enjoy life, for there to be people around and for them to be happy themselves to help make others happy that then gets passed on to others to help them be happy and so on and so on. This way of life has translated into my current state of being, without a doubt. I am someone who will always help other's down their path before finishing my own journey. Sometime's I do it to a point that it becomes a detriment to my own happiness and healthiness, but I don't mind. I just want others to be happy so they can enjoy their lives. To lend a hand, or word of advice, or to do whatever is needed by others is what I live for. That is what makes me happy.

But still. I think back to these stories left abandoned in the trash can, buried under so much shit that they cannot dig themselves out of the graves that their journeys have taken the, and I cry for them. Not for the stories being unfinished, no, but for the characters themselves. These creations that I've poofed into existence...now lost. They will never find that "thing: they were looking for, never find that happiness that they spend page upon page traversing to reach the goal at the end of their journey. It's poetic, in a way, and more true to life than anything, these lost characters. I didn't know it then, but having had experienced it as an adult, I can connect with these characters even more so than anything else. Because sometimes, no matter how hard we look for something, the path could end without us realizing it. These characters, like so many of us, will continually be looking for a happiness that doesn't exist. Whether it's a failed relationship or friendship, or in a job we were desperate to obtain, or whatever that "thing" we were looking for was, the happiness we thought we would get and expect to have with us for all time might not always be where we hoped.

But that doesn't mean that the happiness doesn't exist somewhere. We can't give up on the journey. You just need to pick yourself up and continue on. Who knows, maybe that thing that will truly make you happy is right around the corner? Are you going to stop now, or are you going to make that next turn?